You Should Ask Your Parents

We often find ourselves poised; the day to day life of a living and breathing human being, of the western world, can find itself challenged by the confusing and in some cases extremely odd behavior, of all the other humans. Of course the simplest way of justifying nonconformist behavior from the other individuals, is to come to the conclusion that they’re, quite simply, cut from another cloth, and that’s all there is to it. A label such as weird, is heavily accepted as the trademark for the band of secular individuals, themselves with secret handshakes, identical music taste and fashionable thick woolen knitwear, that they tend to sport mid July. But it is not from musical taste or mental disposition that has inspired me to write this post, but purely a confusion, that many claim as the flagship, the base ambassador that resides at the very core of their personality.
Sexuality poorly repressed unsettles some families; well repressed, it unsettles the whole world.
Karl Kraus
I have always considered myself a feminine male. I enjoy the finer things that this life has to offer; the promise of chocolate excites me greatly, I cant pass a sweet shop without going boss eyed! I am often tantalized with deep feelings of brood, especially when a cute kid on my usual Sunday outing attempts to hurry his grand parents off a train, by saying “come on guys!”  I enjoy the latest fashion, watch chick flicks and sometimes, mostly on a Sunday afternoon, I bake. In spite of all of these clear feminist like ways I must also insist, purely for my male prides sake, that I am as hot blooded as any chap you might find on a building site, as you’ll be able to tell from my previous posts I am also, very much, a heterosexual. Defining ones sexuality used to be simple, the lines were clear and almost certainly at the start of the twentieth century, people would have never of used it to define who they are, was this because of fear? I for one feel that as a whole, the people have become more aware of what it is to be a flesh filled, heart beating, fortress of emotion. Just as there have been breakthroughs in science, the human mind and technology, it has almost gone unnoticed that people are becoming aware of what they are, how they feel, and most importantly, what it is that they need to do.

It’s a good place when all you have is hope and not expectations.
Danny Boyle

When my parents married, they were both at the tender age of 19. Had my eldest brother at 21 and brought their own home shortly after. For my generation to envision such a right of passage seems almost laughable, however the expectations of our parents generation, and the one before that, the family unit was by far the most important part of ones life, that was built first. I can certainly see the appeal: Coming home from a stressful day at work to be greeted by a wife that loves you dearly and a child that has done nothing but be excited about showing you that painting they did, all day waiting to hear your voice at the door, immensely excited for your reaction! That walk up to the front door of your home must be one that never gets dull. Nevertheless working to make yourself happy without those people to greet you, and have them unwittingly take you away from the stresses of supporting a family could quite easily leave your life feeling empty, with an unhappiness that appears  unbreakable. As nothing was taken from you to locate the hole that needs to be filled, yet we do find ways to fill it. They define us and support us, make us feel happy when the chips are down, and sometimes lend us money, conveniently and selflessly forgetting, that they ever did.

Let parents bequeath to their children not riches, but the spirit of reverence.

One of life’s greatest achievements, overlooked by too many of us, holds the key to an award that is the one thing that all of us, no matter what our agendas in life, want, crave, and in some cases, need more than anything else. Being a good parent and being a good son or daughter, being there for each other, will bring you happiness. Knowing that each is there for the other; that support, being able to give it, will give them happiness, and happiness will then give itself to you. Friendship, love of a partner, both of which feelings of incredible emotions and attachments, they require attentiveness and like you, can grow and change over the years, and in some cases they can disappear, but the love of a parent for their child, is something that is born instantly, no hard work required, its’ there, and will stay there until the end of time. If you don’t believe me, you should ask your parents.

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20 thoughts on “You Should Ask Your Parents

  1. Another engaging article. However, as a reluctant mother, I don’t share your experience that “the love of a parent for their child, is something that is born instantly, no hard work required, its’ there, and will stay there until the end of time.” Accepting and shouldering motherhood did not come easily for me. My fear of failing as a mother had to be overcome for that love to be manifest.

    • I think with parenthood as with romance: there is love at first sight and there is the flower that opens reluctantly and only after much nurturing. The first may fail or may endure, the second is set for permanence having been bought at the price of labour.

    • I agree Rosaliene. I’m glad you said that. There is too much stress on parents to “fall in love” with their children. It’s born over time I feel and thus it gets stronger and stronger as times get tougher through one’s life.

      But a very thoughtful article. I’m glad you wrote it.

  2. An interesting article, though I don’t know if all people are necessarily just ‘filling the hole’ that some think family provides. There are many people in the world who use being a parent and/or being a son or daughter to ‘fill the hole’ that is left by their inability to follow their true path, whatever that may be.

  3. The love for my three daughters began growing in the womb long before birth, but for some it doesn’t come so easily and for many dads it’s even harder. Even as a child, I had that mother’s instinct to love and protect anything weaker or smaller, whether it was human or animal. I still have it and I hope to pass it down to my eight grandchildren.

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  5. Just want to say your article is as astounding. The clarity in your post is just excellent and i can assume you’re an expert on this subject. Fine with your permission allow me to grab your RSS feed to keep updated with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please carry on the gratifying work.

  6. It’s a touching post.I admit sometimes I have rough edges with my parents, but the fact that they’re always with you, ready to help you tackle just everything in your life so earnestly cannot be erased. It’ll still a long time until I have my own children, but when that time comes, I want to be a good parent for them.

    But sorry, thought that part was certainly interesting, I don’t see the relevance of your opening paragraphs to the content. Or maybe I missed a point?

  7. Lovely well-written post, thanks for sharing. I agree that the love between parents and child is a special one, however I know some people do not have the pleasure of knowing that connection. I do, and I am very grateful. My mother is like my best friend, I know she will always be there no matter what. Your post reminded me of her, which made me smile, so thank-you.

  8. Engaging read…thank you. I struggled with the idea that I could be a useful mother before my son was conceived. I endured a termination and a miscarriage partly because of my self doubt, fear of failure and the desire to be right about that! Everyday of my life now, I give thanks to those beautiful souls who gave of themselves so that I may feel that loss and of course to the one who is here now.
    My son is 12 weeks old and some moments, when we catch each other’s eye and both laugh he feels like the oldest friend to me. Other moments I will look at him and feel as if I hardly know him at all.
    I think human love comes in all different shapes and sizes and changes from moment to moment.

  9. I enjoyed this article. For me, family used to be the most important thing in my life, that was until I left the husband I married at 21 because he didn’t encourage me to grow. My parents and brother stopped speaking to me because of this. I thought if I got married early and carried on my parents’ expectations of ‘family life first’ I would be happy, but as it turns out I’m much happier being myself.
    Now I have a better relationship with my parents, better friendships and a relationship in which I feel like I can take on the world. But I’m not ready to become an attentive mother just yet! I find value in community and not just family.

  10. That last sentence did it. I do not, and never never had, love from my father. He did not want me. And he has indefinitely stopped replying to any of my letters after his one and only ten years ago. I saw him once on my thenth birthday, but I cannot recall any such thing as instant love.
    And whereas there is really nothing wrong with your blog or the beautiful way you express your love for a child, it makes me very sad that I clearly missed out on a very important part of life, the effect of which I will carry with me until the end of this life (and I really do work hard to not carry it with me into the next and until the end of time ;)).
    So maybe it really ist about time I arrange to meet him face to face and ask him why. Thank you for making that clear to me!


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